Your Heart Towards Your Sweetheart: WANDER or FONDER?

Someone once said in the context of human relationships, that “Absence makes the heart grow
‘wander’ or ‘fonder'”.

Well…how true (and obvious)! Whilst this article is more suited to unmarried couples, people who are
married can equally learn a thing or two.

Okay, let’s consider for a moment the dynamics of your relationship(s) in and out of sight. Let’s
ponder on the inconsistent emotions that the absence or presence of each other’s company
generates. What have we discovered?

Truth is, the state of one’s heart can determine if a couple will wander or become fonder at the absence of each other. This is because ‘absence’ can work in equal or opposite directions as ‘presence’ – what makes the difference, I believe, is the state of the heart.



When two people are still trying to establish their love for each other, it is not advisable for them to engender constant absence from each other at that point (be it physical, mental or spiritual). For either of them may be inclined to grow ‘wander’ in their heart rather than ‘fonder”.

But if your love has already been well established and circumstances warrant that you be temporarily apart, then be apart if you must…for such separation, with an established love and affection, carries the ability to initiate fondness and possibly strengthen your love. Absence can, as much as presence, fuel someone’s feelings for another.

Having said that, caution must be taken by the temporarily parted couple in ensuring that neither of them is lackadaisical about the separation at any time; because though the strength of your love for each other may restrain your heart from going ‘awander’; an unduly prolonged and, if you like, purposeless separation may dehydrate existing affection, which not only threatens the ‘heart growing fonder’ bit but also potentially devoid the union of zest and life when eventually re-established.

Giving no place to frivolity, couples must see to it that they exploit not the absence of their partners. Unless when unavoidable, never test the strength of your love for your partner with an unrestrained and prolonged absence. Remember, even in each other’s lovey-dovey PRESENCE you can wander; how much more in each other’s undue ABSENCE.

“In the multitude of counsels, there is safety” (Pr. 24:5)…

Please don’t steer clear of good counsel for your relationship – firstly God’s, and then counsels from trusted friends and mentors. According to scripture, through ‘good counsel’ shall we wage our own war (mental, spiritual, physical and emotional war). Let us embrace wisdom in our relationships – remembering also that God’s wisdom, above any other, is supreme.

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Written by:
Lanre Bammeke (Freelance Writer)
United Kingdom.

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