Talk About Ladies

We Discuss Women And Solve Problems Together!

Talk About Ladies - We Discuss Women And Solve Problems Together!

ARE YOU IN A CODEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP?

trg-image00000009

Do you find yourself making lots of sacrifices for your partner’s happiness, but not getting much in return? If that kind of one-sided pattern sounds like yours, you don’t have to feel trapped. There are lots of ways to change a codependent relationship and get your life back on an even keel.

What Is a Codependent Relationship?

The first step in getting things back on track is to understand the meaning of a codependent relationship. Experts say it’s a pattern of behavior in which you find yourself dependent on approval from someone else for your self-worth and identity.

One key sign is when your sense of purpose in life wraps around making extreme sacrifices to satisfy your partner’s needs.

“Codependent relationships signify a degree of unhealthy clinginess, where one person doesn’t have self-sufficiency or autonomy,” says Scott Wetzler, PhD,  psychology division chief at  Albert Einstein College of Medicine. “One or both parties depend on their loved ones for fulfillment.”

Anyone can become codependent. Some research suggests that people who have parents who emotionally abused or neglected them in their teens are more likely to enter codependent relationships.

“These kids are often taught to subvert their own needs to please a difficult parent, and it sets them up for a long-standing pattern of trying to get love and care from a difficult person,” says Shawn Burn, PhD, a psychology professor at California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo.

“They’re often replaying a childhood pattern filled with development gaps,” Wetzler says.

How to Know You’re in a Codependent Relationship

Watch out for these signs that you might be in a codependent relationship:

  • Are you unable to find satisfaction in your life outside of a specific person?
  • Do you recognize unhealthy behaviors in your partner but stay with him or her in spite of them?
  • Are you giving support to your partner at the cost of your own mental, emotional, and physical health?

“Individuals can also assume they are in a codependent relationship if people around them have given them feedback that they are too dependent on their partner or if they have a desire, at times, for more independence but feel an even stronger conflict when they attempt to separate in any way,” says psychologist Seth Meyers.

“They’ll feel anxiety more consistently than any other emotion in the relationship,” Meyers says, “and they’ll spend a great deal of time and energy either trying to change their partner or … trying to conform to their partner’s wishes.”

Impact of a Codependent Relationship

Giving up your own needs and identity to meet the needs of a partner has unhealthy short-term and long-term consequences.

“You can become burned out, exhausted, and begin to neglect other important relationships,” Burn says. “And if you’re the enabler in a codependent relationship — meaning you promote the other person’s dysfunctions — you can prevent them from learning common and needed life lessons.”

How to Change a Codependent Relationship

Breaking up isn’t necessarily the best or only solution. To repair a codependent relationship, it’s important to set boundaries and find happiness as an individual, says psychologist Misty Hook, PhD.

She recommends that partners talk about and set relationship goals that satisfy them both.

“It’s also important to spend time with relatives, friends, and family to broaden the circle of support,” she says. “Find hobbies of your own. Try separating for certain periods of time to create a healthy dependence on one another.”

But do keep in mind that your actions may unintentionally worsen a codependent relationship, Wetzler says.

“Sometimes people delude themselves into thinking they are helping a codependent partner by continuing to cater to his or her anxiety,” he says. “But ask if you are truly helping or simply fostering that negativity.”

Culled from WebMD

Does He Really Love You? 7 Ways To Know For Sure

couple.edit_

 

It’s love, not rocket science! These 7 simple “true love tests” quickly reveal his true feelings.

Every woman wants to know if her man’s love is the real thing. Knowing the answer is critical to making any future decisions about the relationship. It turns out, it’s actually pretty simple to know if his love is true or not. Here are the Seven Tests of True Love; see how your relationship measures up:

  1. Does he ALWAYS treat you with respect?

If his respect for you is inconsistent or only occurs sparingly, your relationship cannot flourish. In love, you cannot pick and choose the time and place to be kind, considerate, and respectful. Being considerate and respectful one day and rude and inconsiderate the next is not an option. Your partner either is all of these things or he is not. It’s really that simple.

  1. Do his actions match his words? 

We all know the axiom “actions speak louder than words”. To know if he really loves you, you only need to observe his behavior. Does he talk to you with affection, care, and respect, but then bumps you out of the way when you order lunch or dinner? Does he tell you how much he loves you, but ignores you completely when you tell him what you would like to do that day?

The truth is, actions really do speak louder than words! Never fool yourself into thinking that his actions don’t matter. Put simply—he IS what he does! Ignore this notion at your peril, because it is actually the best test of whether he is capable of really loving you.

  1. Are you an equal partner? 

When someone really loves you, they treat you as an equal partner—as a person with an equal voice (and equal value) in your relationship. If he makes all of the significant decisions in your relationship and expects you to follow his directives as a second-class citizen, then he does NOT really love you. In a successful marriage and partnership both partners share equally in the relationship.

  1. Can you trust him with your life and sacred honor?

Can you honestly say, “I trust him more that life itself?” Is your trust in him unequivocal and honestly without hesitation? Bottom line—one of the underlying qualities of a great marriage is complete trust in each other. If you don’t trust your man without question, then you really need to reconsider any long-term relationship with him.

  1. Does he tell you he loves you? 

Does he do declare his love and adoration for you often and without prodding? Does his love for you come naturally and consistently? When you love someone, you tell them. And don’t fall for that old line that goes like this, “I don’t need to tell her I love her because she knows.” This notion is just plain wrong! You need to hear it (we all do). If he doesn’t tell you that he loves you, then your relationship has a problem.

  1. Can he imagine life without you?

When you are in love, you cannot imagine life without the one you love! So try this question on him, “Honey, do you love me more than life itself? Can you imagine life without me?” If his answers make you wonder about the depth of his commitment to you, he doesn’t truly love you.

After over 32 years of researching love and marriage throughout the world, one thing we know for sure is that someone in love cannot envision a life without their someone special. If your guy suggests otherwise, he is not the man you should commit your life to.

  1. Is he ALWAYS there for you?

In the end, a man who really loves you will always be there for you through the good times and the bad, through thick and thin. Love has no conditions. A man deeply in love with a woman want her when she is at her best or her worst. And being there for you is something he does in a way that makes you feel good (versus feeling guilty). He makes you excited about where your relationship is going. He raises you higher than you could ever be without him.

You deserve true love:
The measure of his love for you is always about consistency … in his words and behavior. If he really loves you, he will meet the Seven Tests of True Love. If he can’t pass this test, then you need to reconsider how true his love actually is. If he does pass the test, go hug that man (you’ve got a keeper!). Either way, know that a love you can trust and count on is the type of love you deserve.

By Dr. Charles and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz | America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts

4 EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS YOU MUST LEARN TO TALK TO YOUR SPOUSE (Part 1)

Effective Communication is a very essential ingredient in any happy marriage or relationship. The way couples interact in the area of time spent together or apart, the question of money, health, children, family, friends, commitment, trust and intimacy, etc goes a long way to determine if they would have a lasting or happy marriage. But there are times in every marriage when spouses feel that they are not communicating effectively with each other.

 

This is quite obvious when couples are always quarrelling or always getting into fights and verbal wars. This situation also expresses itself when one or both spouses feels misunderstood, unappreciated, disregarded or even disrespected.

 

When couples have a challenge with effectively communicating with their significant other especially when they feel that their basic needs are not met in their marriage or relationship, they may find that mastering one or more of four communication skills will go a long way towards chatting the course for a happy and successful marriage.

 

When one of this skills is lacking in your marriage it will seriously affect what you and your spouse can achieve in a positive way and when a marriage is deficient in more than one of these, that marriage would have been placed within the risk zone.

My Husband Lost His Job

1. LEARN TO EXPRESS NEGATIVE FEELINGS IN A CONSTRUCTIVE MANNER

“Negative feelings” is any feeling that makes you feel bad or uptight or angry. They are feelings that make you feel anyway but good. These may include feelings of resentment, bitterness, disapproval or disappointment. At one time other the other it may be necessary for you to express negative feelings to your spouse. It is important to learn how to express these emotions to your spouse in a constructive way. It could be quite destructive to your marriage and to your entire family if you were to express your negative emotions in unrestrained harsh words. Even when you have expressed yourself in a controlled manner but your expressions are laden with ridicule, sarcasm and verbal assaults, the communication will be counter-productive.

(Watch out for Part 2 of this article)

STRICTLY FOR SINGLES CORNER…WE LADIES ARE WORTH ALOT

The fact that you are ripe for marriage doesn’t mean you should jump into the arms of the next available monster in the form of a man, simply because of the desperation for the title of “MRS”. In this day and age, it’s advisable that ladies be Independent because, no man wants to have a liability for a wife anymore. If you don’t have a source of livelihood, please get one asap before vying for marriage. And when you eventually decide to get married, know what you want in him! As a woman in this day and age, you must understand that:

1. There is an inner beauty about a lady who believes in herself, who knows she is capable of achieving anything she puts her mind to. There is a stunning beauty in the strength and determination of a lady who follows her own God given path, a woman who isn’t easily thrown off by obstacles along the way.

2. There is a beauty about a lady whose Confidence comes from her wealth of experience as she knows she can fall, pick herself back up, dust her shoulders and move on.

3. There’s nothing more attractive than a lady who carries herself like a Queen and wears her confidence like a Crown. Royalty or not, Dignity and Respect are every lady’s birth right. It’s a man’s job to respect a woman but, it’s a woman’s job to give him something to respect. So my dear young ladies, please know thy worth!

 

Once you know your worth, then…. you are in a position to ask a man WHAT CAN HE DO FOR YOU, THAT YOU CAN’T DO FOR YOURSELF?

If you are paying your own bills and taking care of your household without the help of any man or woman for that matter; then you are in a good position to ask him, “What are you bringing to the table?” At this juncture, I know most of you will think I’m actually talking about, how much the man has got in his bank account…..honestly you are so wrong. LOL!!! Okay, let me quickly correct your thoughts by clearly stating what I mean by your asking him such a question. . . I am not referring to money.

Young lady, you need something more. Something more assuring, dependable, humble, strong, matured and everlasting.

1. You need someone who has integrity in dealing with relationships. Lies, Deceit, Chauvinism and game-playing are not my idea of a Strong, Mature, Assuring, Humble and Dependable man.

2. You need a man who is not only mature and focused, but a man who is diligently striving for excellence in all ramifications of life. Right now, i know the men will be anxious to know what exactly i mean by this. Oh well……. Young lady

3. You need someone who is striving for excellence mentally because, you need conversation and mental stimulation. I don’t need a simple-minded man.

4.You need someone who is striving for spiritual excellence because, you don’t need to be unevenly yoked….Believers mixed with Unbelievers is actually a great recipe for disaster. 

5. You need a man who is striving for financial excellence because, you don’t need a financial burden.

6.You need someone who is sensitive enough to understand exactly what you go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep you grounded, without appearing to be directly or indirectly domineering.

7.You actually need a man who is family-oriented. One who can be the leader and provider for the lives entrusted to him by God.

8. You need someone whom you don’t have to be forced to respect because, he is mature enough to always respect himself, hence you can always respect him. In order to be submissive, you must respect him. You cannot be submissive to a man who isn’t taking care of his business. I know you have no problem whatsoever with, being submissive…he just has to be worthy of your being submissive.

And by the way, you should not be looking for him…HE WILL FIND YOU. He will recognize himself in you. He may not be able to explain the connection, but he naturally, will always be drawn to you. God made woman to be a help-mate for man. You can’t help a man if he can’t help himself. Right now, I know the guys will be whining that, the ladies are just asking for A LOT.

How To Improve Your Sex AppealThe honest truth is WE LADIES ARE WORTH ALOT.

HAPPILY EVER AFTER

 

The journey of marriage is beyond how romance books and films present it. As a matter of fact, the happily ever after, is a function of the foundation you laid during the period of courtship. There is this adage I was accustomed to while growing up- It is like a slogan and my mum was always fond of using it. She would always say: “As you lay your bed, so will you lie on it”.

 

When it comes to marriage or relationship, how you get it started will determine how it flows. Anytime I listen to tapes and read books on marriage from reputable men and women of God, I always thank God for my generation. Honestly, enough information is around for you to equip yourself with, if you want to experience the happily EVER AFTER. Unfortunately, when I see or read what people are going through in marriage and relationship, I feel bad and sometimes ask what they’ve been doing with their lives before marriage. Today; everybody is having fan pages, pointing at marriage and relationship, but people are fed with the partial truth. The higher the information, the higher the confusion, especially when you don’t learn to filter things you hear or read. How will you know how to filter when you do not know the right from the left? So, the following are the things to do, in order to experience the happily EVER AFTER to you dream of:

  1. Have a mentor. Get an older couple as your Coach, especially if your parents’ marriage is not good enough for you to learn from.
  2.  Stop spending money on Brazilian weave on alone. If you are a man, all your finances should not only go into loading your wardrobe with designers, but also with BOOKS- You should buy and read, don’t just buy and use them to decorate your library. When you have right knowledge about marriage, you will stand-out in marriage.
  3.  Listen to tapes or messages from reputable men and women of God from various tribes and Nation.
  4.  The greater part of success in marriage is embedded in good character, and that’s why we will appreciate it, if you are making use of our ATTITUDE 101 teachings, it is going to help you a long way. Also read books that can help and improve your attitudes. Permit me to also say this: if you are a Christian, allow the Fruit of the Spirit to manifest in you- that is the best way to plant, nurture and grow a good character.
  5.  I am sorry if you don’t want to hear this; but having known what you are suppose to know, before you go into a relationship or in the cause of your relationship and marriage- do not keep God out of your business. God attends to what you invite him into. It is quite unfortunate that, people wait until things go wrong, before they begin calling on the God that they never involved from the start.
  6. Stay with us on this Blog: http://www.talkaboutladies.com. We have assembled an experienced Team of Relationship Coaches and Marriage Counselors to help you all the way. Beginning from the search for your life partner, to enjoying a model peaceful marriage and to rescuing your sick relationship or marriage.

 

 

How Living In Truth Can Help Grow Your Marriage And RelationshipConclusively, marriage is not without its ups and down, but the solid foundation will sustain you. Just do your part and you will experience the HAPPILY EVER AFTER.