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MONEY: FIVE ESSENTIAL FINANCE TIPS FOR NEWLYWEDS

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Now that you’re newly married, it’s a good idea to have a frank talk about your finances. Follow these steps to get the money conversation going—and cash in on a happier future.

You tell your new husband everything—your hopes, fears, and dreams. But there may be a conversation you’ve both been skirting: the one about money. Learning to share every detail about your finances might take some getting used to, but trust us, it’s well worth it. To help you discuss the past and plan for the future—all while maintaining engagement bliss—we called in the pros. Their simple tips are, well, right on the money.

  1. Create a Vision

Does your “happily ever after” involve jetting off for a Jamaican vacation, or landing a mortgage ASAP? Whatever the dream, it’s important to map out your future together. “Knowing what kind of lifestyle you want can help you create a plan,” says financial guru Matt Bell, author of Money & Marriage. Write down a list of your short-term goals (a car, a new couch) and long-term ones (a four-bedroom home in a nice neighborhood, etc). “You don’t have to have every single detail figured out,” says Bell, “but prioritizing will give you a better sense of how to budget and save.”

Another important aspect: kids. You’ll also want to address child-care and education costs. What is the average price tag of raising little Alice, including college costs? – it’s never too soon to start planning.

  1. Synergize

You work hard for your money, so it can be tough switching from a “mine” to “ours” mind-set. But it’s really important. “Marriage means being partners in all aspects of life, including finances,” says psychotherapist Tina Tessina, Ph.D., author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage. Problem is, many spouses have differing views about spending and saving (in fact, research shows that fiscal opposites attract). That’s why Tessina advises taking the time to share your attitude toward money with your mate—and vice versa. Maybe the cash-flow woes his family faced growing up are the reason he insists on buying generic everything—down to the puffed-rice cereal. “This piece of the puzzle can help you better understand each other’s decisions,” she says.

Another way to sidestep conflict is to create a “discretionary” budget for each spouse to spend as desired, whether that’s on buying stock or the newest Gucci bag. “You don’t have to always agree with your spouse’s purchases, but it is important to see eye-to-eye on pricey items,” says Bell. “Set guidelines about when you need to consult each other—say, anything that costs more than five thousand bucks.”

  1. Lay Debts out on the Table

If you haven’t fessed up about your former shopping habit, now’s the time to come clean. Although your spouse isn’t responsible for those shopping sprees, they can drag down your credit score as a couple. So make a plan: Decide whether you’re going to tackle that debt individually or together. If the interest rate is high—more than 10 percent—joining forces is a smart move. Not sure how to start chipping away? See a financial pro who can help you weigh options and offer smart strategies.

While you’re discussing details, resist the temptation to feel guilty or angry about having debt in the relationship. “Playing the blame game is destructive,” says Tessina. “It eats away at trust and creates a sense of resentment.” Instead, she says, concentrate on the financially free future that you’re creating together.

  1. Decide How You’ll Share Finances

A few decades ago, couples combined their net worth as soon as they traded I do’s. Today, it’s not as simple: Research shows that roughly half of married people have individual accounts. “Having a personal account is useful for day-to-day spending,” says Jon Stein, the founder and CEO of Betterment, an investment site. “But you need a joint checking account for household expenses, such as your mortgage or rent, utilities, and groceries.” Some couples choose to contribute an equal percentage of their income to it (each person gives, say, 60 percent of her paycheck), while others prefer to deposit a flat sum each month. “My wife and I decided to have our salaries go directly into our joint account,” says Stein, a newlywed himself. “And we put a fixed amount into our personal ones.”

For big-ticket items, like a down payment, vacation, or new car, set up a joint savings or investment account. “Use direct deposit to distribute a portion of your paycheck,” advises Bell. “If you don’t see it, you won’t be tempted to spend it.”

  1. Work out the Details

Now that you’ve figured out how much you want to put toward your debts and goals, you can hammer out a budget together. Online sites like Mint and LearnVest have useful tools. “They also track every penny, so you can keep tabs on whether you’re on target,” says Bell. Next, decide who’s responsible for what duties: It’s generally easier to have the more detail-oriented spouse take over paying bills and monitoring the cash flow.

To keep each other in the loop, schedule a check-in every week. “Consider it a bona fide business meeting, where you can catch up on bills and discuss long-term plans,” says Tessina. That means allotting time to chat, setting an agenda to stay on topic, and turning off that episode of Revenge in the background. “You can make it something to look forward to,” adds Tessina. “Discuss finances over breakfast on a Saturday morning, or meet for lunch in a restaurant.” Who says you can’t have a little fun while plotting your financial future together?

Culled from Brides.com

EXPOSE: HOW TO LOVE A NIGERIAN MAN AND STILL BE BOSS

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Let me start by stating the obvious. A typical Nigerian man is very egotistic. You can’t expect to be his woman and yet rub shoulders with him. That will never ever work. His definition of a relationship is ‘I lead, you follow.’ And if you tune your ears well, you’ll hear ‘I own you’.

I have always been an advocate of women being independent whether they are with a man or not. And let me define what I mean because in this part of the world, once the word ‘independence’ and ‘women’ come in the same sentence, people’s antennae go up. An independent woman simply means a woman who take care of herself and is contented financially, emotionally or otherwise whether a man is in her life or not. It does not mean she does not need a man; it means she has an identity and does not need to be defined by anyone.

Having said that, I will be addressing the independent woman who wants to love and be with a typical Nigerian man and still maintain her identity. Here’s how to.

1. Treat Him like a King.Respect Him. Don’t talk him down. Show him a deep admiration for his abilities, qualities and achievements. You don’t have to go on your knees before him to show that you respect him. And treating him like a king doesn’t make you less.

How to be boss? Only a queen knows how to take care of a king.

2. Be Faithful.The worst thing you can do to a Nigerian man is cheat on him. Don’t even try it. He is the one and only in your life. Even if he cheats on you, do not retaliate; you’ll have no one as your support when shit hits the fan. Simply walk out of the relationship if he strays. But while you’re with him, you have to be 100% faithful.

How to be boss? A faithful woman is already at the top of the list. You earn any man’s respect by being faithful.

 3. Take Care of Him.A Nigerian man loves to be cared for by his woman and this entails preparing his favorite meals, cleaning up his house/room, handling his laundry (if you want to stretch it far) and ensuring that he is generally in good condition. He wants to know you care. His mother has done a pretty fine job of that for him. He wants you to continue where she left off.

How to be boss? Be honest with yourself from the beginning about what you can or cannot do for him. Before you met him, he did his own chores. Remind him of that. Meeting his needs occasionally shows you are performing acts of love; doing it regularly shows you’re performing a duty.

 4. Sex Him like a Pro.Nigerian men talk about wanting a good girl in bed or something like that but in the end they complain when you are not responsive. They do not like inexperienced girls. So, here’s my honest advice to you: be a freak in bed. If you are good in doing the thing, don’t hide it. Blow his mind the whole 9 yards. He might be worried about how you got so skilled but he’ll get over it soon when he discovers you are faithful.

How to be boss? Like I said, just blow his mind and he’ll always duff his hat for you.

 5. Respect His Family.This is no joke. Especially his mother, you have to kiss her ass big time. You cannot score high by being stubborn on this point. Once a Nigerian man introduces you to his family, it means he’s ready to take it far and if you meet them and start acting all pig-headed, he will dump you. Many a Nigerian man have left their women because their families said no. So, score high on this one and it shall go well with you.

How to be boss? Be yourself with them. Don’t kiss the floor they walk on or you’ll do that forever. Just be cordial and respect them. Compromise on some things but be known to be your own person by saying no to other things.

 6. Be Religious.Most Nigerian men believe in God. They might not all be religious but they want their women to be. They want women who would hold up the spiritual front for them. Once I heard my husband telling his friend with a proud smile, “she prays for me.” You might be an atheist or agnostic or not of his religion but he has chosen to love you the way you are, then you should show some respect for his faith, at least. Follow him to church once in a while. If he’s a Muslim, learn about Islam or dress as a Muslim woman on the occasion.

How to be boss? Don’t just speak ill of his God for whatever reason but don’t allow him drown your own beliefs.

 7. Give Him His Personal Space.This is not peculiar to just Nigerian men. All men love their personal space. Allow him time with his guys, his family and his hobbies. Don’t cramp his space.

How to be boss? Find your own thing to do. Hanging around your man all the time would make you dependent on him and you don’t want that.

 8. Know How to Cook.There’s no escaping this one, I’m afraid. It is probably one of the tests you’ll undergo with him and with his family. And to emphasize, you must learn how to cook the meals he loves, the ones his mother always made for him. If you don’t learn this, he will stay out to eat another woman’s meals.

How to be boss? Have him help out with the ingredients while you cook. Ask his presence in the kitchen; tell him to keep you company or help with the dishes as you cook. You can also lure him there by wearing something really sexy. Make your meal time special occasions so that he looks forward to each time you cook.

 9. Ditch your male BFF.I’m sorry but that male best friend has to become just one of the guys. He and your man cannot share the same space. Nigerian men do not understand the concept of a woman having a close male friend when she already has a man. No matter how platonic your relationship with your friend is, your Nigerian man will see him as competition. Here are some of his thoughts:

if we have a fight, does she tell him?

when we fight, does she run to him and he holds her to comfort her?

has he seen her naked?

have they gone beyond friendship before?

how can he not be attracted to her? she’s damn sexy

doesn’t she know he’s just trying to get into her pants?

why is she even having a male best friend?

who the f*ck does he think he is forming best friend with my woman?

How to be boss? Good friendships are hard to come by and you don’t want to throw one away because your man says so. Simply limit your time with said best friend and let your man know the sacrifice you’re making but also tell him you can’t totally ditch your friend.

 10. Do Not Take Gifts From Other Men.Like seriously, don’t. A Nigerian man would tell you “bae, if he bought you that handbag and pair of shoes, you better be in his bed, not mine.” Yes, they are that jealous. They own you as a woman and would proudly call you their property. Hence, do not take gifts from other men asides your man. As much as he is proud to know he has a woman that is desired by other men, he doesn’t want you to have anything with them.

How to be boss? Show him why you’re still desired. Dress hot, maintain your weight and be sexy. Suggest outings so that he can appreciate what he has when other men ogle you. That will remind him to love you as you deserve.

11. Be Feminine.Whether you’re a tomboy or just full of womanliness, maintain your femininity. A woman who acts like a man and rubs shoulders with her man is not appreciated in Nigeria. Even if you’re a boss at work, drop your ranks when you’re in his arms. Maintain the things that make you female like nice hair, nice nails, a clean appearance, clear skin, an alluring scent, light makeup, a gentle nature and a happy face.

How to be boss? Concentrate on inner virtues that show your strength while on the outside you appear subtle. One of my favorite phrases I heard from a man about his wife was, “Forget her angel face o, she’s a lioness inside; my lioness.”

 12. Be Wise and Smart.Foolish women don’t make the cut in Nigeria. You’ll get cheated on, abused and find yourself at the bottom of very man’s list. As much as a Nigerian man doesn’t want you smarter than him, he is also not interested in a dumb woman. He wants you to keep him on his toes with your intelligence. Many ladies believe an outward appearance gets them the man but the truth is intelligence and wisdom are more important when he starts to think of a long term relationship.

How to be boss? You can’t fail with this one. Just use your brains.

 13. Be Hard-working.No food for lazy man is a popular saying around here. There’s nothing as unappealing as a woman who is slothful and expects her man to do all the work. Nigerian men work hard for their money, no joke. In the end, they want women who would have the skills to maintain what they have worked for, and not squander it. Find something your hands can do if you don’t have a job. No one is born without a talent.

How to be boss? This is one place you can be boss and diva at the same time. Be hard working and no man will treat you less than you are worth.

Nigerian men are the best men in the world, forget what you’ve been told. Yes, there are bad ones and I’ve gotten my own taste of them. But then there are bad men everywhere else in the world.

Nonetheless, I speak in defence of my Nigerian brothers when I say, they are the best. Once they love, they love and contrary to what you believe, you can actually get them to make you the center of their world and be faithful to you.

So, against all that you’ve heard or experienced whether you’re a Nigerian woman or not, I’m suggesting you give a Nigerian man a try today and see how it goes.

By Sally

About Sally 

Sally loves to write. She has written so many plays and short stories. She is the author of the Fish Brain series and has written other online series like The Immortals’ Code, No heart Feelings, To Tame a Virgin and In Pursuit of Kyenpia. She lives in Lagos with her husband and daughter and loves the occasional bar lounging with friends. She blogs on www.moskedapages.com or you can follow her on Twitter @NovocainKnights

 

25 THINGS TO KNOW BEFORE YOU GET ENGAGED

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When you know, you know, right? Well, maybe. While gut instincts are all well and good (and often scarily accurate), here are 25 other things to make sure you cover before either of you gets down on one knee. Because who wants to take chances with the rest of her life?

  1. The difference between like, lust, and love. Only one is worthy of an engagement. Only one determines “together forever”.
  2. Each other’s career goals.What do you each want to accomplish in life — and how will it affect your relationship with each other? Knowing what you each want to achieve and supporting those dreams is a critical foundation for any couple.
  3. How you each feel about faith.What your belief system means to your life as a couple (and your future life as a family).
  4. Each other’s spending habits.And debt situations. And savings plans. Get it all out on the table early. And even if you have different spending and saving styles, it doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. It is simply an acknowledgement of a fundamental difference in money attitudes.

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  1. Whether you want children — and when. It is important to be on the same page regarding your general timeline for starting a family. But you might not need to agree on how many kids just yet. Once a couple has their first kid, they will have a better idea of how many children they really want.
  2. How you plan on parenting your children. At least, in theory.
  3. Each other’sparents/siblings/immediate family. These might be your in-laws. Know what you are getting into.
  4. Your significant other’s relationships with said family. Love, hate, love-hate — it’s important to understand the dynamics at play.
  5. The past.Like it or not, it helped shape who you both are at this very moment. You don’t need to provide every exhaustive detail, but you should have a general roadmap for how you each got to the present.
  6. Any previous spouses and/or children.This should come up in No. 9, but I’m not taking any chances. Nobody likes a surprise ex.
  7. How you each respond to stress.One of the main theories for why the majority ofBachelor/Bachelorette engagements fail is because they do not face real-world, anxiety-inducing, pressure cooker situations. Stress can be the ultimate saboteur in a relationship, and studies show that even happy marriages can end up in divorce thanks to stressful life events, low commitment and negative communication. But if you know how you each handle life’s obstacles, big and small, you can tackle them successfully together. If you perceive your partner is there for you and supportive of you, it buffers and reduces the impact of chronic stress.
  8. How they take their coffee in the morning.Which section of the paper they read first. Whether they even like coffee at all. It may seem like minutiae, but love sometimes comes in the tiniest details.
  9. Each other’s worst qualities.Love involves elevating the best traits, and accepting the worst ones.
  10. Their friends!I’m a believer that meeting the friends can be even more important than meeting the family, because friends are the people that your better halfchooses to spend time around. If you haven’t met your S.O.’s inner circle, then the relationship isn’t that serious — and certainly not serious enough for an engagement.
  11. Their stance on major political issues.How does your partner feel about gay marriage? Abortion? Voters’ rights?Gun control? You don’t necessarily have to agree, but their opinions (and the arguments they use to justify them) can be very telling.
  12. How to fight and make up.You are going to disagree. It happens. And to an extent, it is healthy. Conflicts are inevitable. But conflict has its benefits if you use it productively. Use respectful language with each other and be willing to listen to your partner.
  13. Each other’s living habits.You don’t have to live together yet, but it is a good idea to at least have an idea of what it will be like when you do.It is not whether you live with your partner as much as how you live with your partner.
  14. Your sexual chemistry.Yes, this is totally making me blush because I am a 12-year-old at heart, but knowing how you connect onthat level is pretty critical to relationship — and marriage — success.
  15. How to talk to each other.No phones. No emails. No texts. Just straight-up, face-to-face, brutally honest communication. This is vital,especially considering “communication problems” were cited as the most common factor (65 percent) that leads to divorce in a recent survey.
  16. Their hobbies.Whether it’s golf, running, reading, collecting, or live-action-role-playing, you want to know the things that your love loves to do. It’s not about you loving soccer, it’s about the person that you love loving soccer.
  17. How you each feel about travel.Striking a balance between a homebody and someone with a case of wanderlust is one tricky seesaw act. Determine whether travel is a priority in your relationship before committing to marriage.
  18. Your views on household duties.Does your significant other expect a partner who will take care of all the chores? Or will it be a shared responsibility (ahem)? People are going to disagree about how to run the house, chores, who cleans the bathroom, but those are the kinds of things that people can, if they work on their communication style, work through.
  19. The difference between a wedding and a marriage.A wedding is one day. A marriage is a lifetime. If you want to throw a party, there are plenty of other things you can celebrate if you aren’t ready for matrimony.
  20. That being said, you should talk aboutyour vision for a wedding. Because eloping at City Hall and 500 people at the reception in June are two very different scenarios. Plus, planning a wedding can be extremely stressful — you and your fiancé need to be on the same team.
  21. What you want out of the future.No one has a crystal ball, and life loves to throw curveballs.But since one of the top reasons for divorce is that the couple “wanted different things, you should share your thoughts, hopes and dreams for what the future might look like — together.

Culled from bustle.com with inputs from MacHenry Churchill

Fight the Good Fight: Turn Spats Into Solutions

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Want to dial down the unhealthy drama in your relationship? You can, once you know how to defuse blow-up arguments and unresolved feuds.

“Massive, all-out fights are bad for you. They make your heart race, cause stress, and can trigger issues like migraines,” says psychotherapist Jonathan Alpert. “On the other hand, learning to have good conversations keeps your relationship healthy.”

Here are six ways to ensure your next argument has a good outcome.

Keep Calm and Carry On

If your blood’s boiling and you can barely remember what started your fight in the first place, call a time out.

“It’s next to impossible to be logical, let alone empathetic, in a heightened state,” Alpert says.

Pick the discussion back up when both of you feel levelheaded. If you can’t keep your voice down, you may not be ready to have the conversation.

Know Your Goal

Before you sit down to talk, Alpert recommends you ask yourself: “What do I want to accomplish here? Do I want to hurt my partner, or work toward a resolution?”

Focus on finding a positive solution from the get-go. That makes it more likely you’ll listen and stay thoughtful.

People who keep their angry feelings contained may be more likely to develop health conditions like high blood pressure.

Keep to Task

Keep your argument brief and on-point.

“Leave the past in the past. Don’t bring up all the prior problems related to the one you’re discussing. Instead, solve one thing at a time,” says psychotherapist Tina Tessina, PhD. “Keep statements to two or three sentences. That way, it doesn’t seem like you’re trying to dominate the conversation, and it will be easier for your partner to grasp what you’re saying.”

Know What You Need

Instead of criticizing your partner’s habits or values, be specific, Tessina says. For example, say, “It would mean a lot to me if you’d stop using your cell phone during dinner,” rather than, “I think you’re addicted to Facebook.”

Also, steer clear of words like “always” and “never.” “Over-generalizing is upsetting and is usually also untrue,” Tessina says.

Sleep On It

A lack of sleep makes conflicts harder to resolve, a recent study shows. If you’re frazzled or fried, it’s OK to go to bed mad if you both agree to put talks on hold until the next day, Alpert says.

Pause Between Statements

It takes work to change the way you communicate. Suggestion: Discuss a hot-button issue when you’re not mad.

“Let your partner make a statement about the problem, but take at least 10 minutes to think about what he or she has said before you respond,” says Gerald Goodman, PhD, a psychologist and professor emeritus at UCLA. “Then sum up what your partner said, and make your own statement. Go back and forth a few times. It may take several hours or days, but it will pay off.”

Find it hard to pause between statements? “My research shows that learning to delay your response helps you stay calm and find solutions during major conflicts,” Goodman says.

Between pauses, use the time to listen to your partner, Alpert says. The more you’re on the same page, the easier it is to resolve fights quickly and fairly.

Culled from WebMD

How Irresponsibility Can Destroy A Relationship

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Are you one of those people willing to have a relationship but reluctant to take responsibility to change your way of living as a couple? Would you rather maintain your single way of living, thinking and hoping that you can have the best of both worlds? Unfortunately, your sense of irresponsibility towards your relationship will only be detrimental to and eventually destroy your relationship. The fact is, you will not see much success in your relationship until you learn how to contribute fairly and responsibly towards building and maintaining a good and happy partnership.

There is a price tag to your decision to end your single-hood and to be in relationship with someone you love. You no longer get to enjoy the kind of freedom you used to get when you were single. Remember that you are now not only responsible for your own well-being, but for your partner’s well being as well.

Therefore, the freedom of doing whatever you like, whenever you wish is rather impractical without jeopardizing your relationship with your partner. Nevertheless, it doesn’t mean that you have become a prisoner in your own relationship, totally without freedom of choice. It simply means that being in a relationship, you have the responsibility to involve your partner in most aspects of your life now.

One of the many responsibilities of being in a relationship is to have joint discussions on major decisions, sharing good and bad moments, and keeping each other informed of things. This is necessary to ensure a healthy relationship. Failing to do so would be irresponsible and would result in an unhappy relationship. It is thus important to learn how to prevent a relationship from being destroyed due to irresponsibility. You can begin by avoiding irresponsible behavior in various aspects of your life as follows:

  • Finances

Money is important but it is not everything as it does not guarantee you a happy relationship. Sometimes people who don’t have enough may be happier. However, it is crucial for couples to discuss and plan their finances together so as to avoid any financial hiccups.

Some partners refuse to share financially. Some only contribute a small portion to the household expenses but spend lavishly on themselves. These partners are being irresponsible and selfish. They cause a lot of financial stress and arguments in their relationship. Learn how to fix a relationship by being a responsible partner. The key ingredients for maintaining a happy and healthy relationship are to discuss, plan, and spend your money within your means.

  • Household Chores

Partners are meant to support each other in every aspect of the relationship including household chores. Most people look forward to going home after a long and stressful day at work and the last on their to-do-list is tons of household chores laying about the house. It can be very frustrating and tiring to do all the household chores by yourself. More so if your partner is only giving you a helping hand in messing up the place.

Some irresponsible partners just leave things that they have used around the house without washing them or putting them back where they ought to be. This irresponsible attitude may cause a lot of frustration and resentment in a relationship and may destroy your relationship in the long run, especially if your partner realizes you have no plans to support him/her in getting things done around the house. Many people would argue that it is the responsibility of the woman alone to take care of the house, but marriage proves otherwise. To maintain a harmonious relationship, couples should support each other, even with household chores so that they do not feel overburdened and can have more quality time to spend with each other.

  • Personal Time

Try to keep your dependence and independence in balance. It is important for you to spend time with your partner and share interests but allowing some personal time is equally important to your relationship. This time away from each other helps to maintain harmony by giving you a sense of individuality.

However, do not abuse your personal time by hanging out more with your friends than with your partner. Often times, you have the tendency to abuse your personal time for the wrong reasons. For example: always coming home late, never keeping your partner informed of your whereabouts and eventually forgetting and neglecting your partner who is anxiously waiting and worrying about you at home. This irresponsible behavior will soon cause a lot of conflict and affect the harmony in your relationship.

The truth is, irresponsibility is so detrimental and may destroy a relationship in no time. Hence, couples who wish to have and maintain a happy relationship are advised to learn how to maintain a healthy relationship by avoiding all kinds of irresponsible behaviors to best of their ability.

Does He Really Love You? 7 Ways To Know For Sure

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It’s love, not rocket science! These 7 simple “true love tests” quickly reveal his true feelings.

Every woman wants to know if her man’s love is the real thing. Knowing the answer is critical to making any future decisions about the relationship. It turns out, it’s actually pretty simple to know if his love is true or not. Here are the Seven Tests of True Love; see how your relationship measures up:

  1. Does he ALWAYS treat you with respect?

If his respect for you is inconsistent or only occurs sparingly, your relationship cannot flourish. In love, you cannot pick and choose the time and place to be kind, considerate, and respectful. Being considerate and respectful one day and rude and inconsiderate the next is not an option. Your partner either is all of these things or he is not. It’s really that simple.

  1. Do his actions match his words? 

We all know the axiom “actions speak louder than words”. To know if he really loves you, you only need to observe his behavior. Does he talk to you with affection, care, and respect, but then bumps you out of the way when you order lunch or dinner? Does he tell you how much he loves you, but ignores you completely when you tell him what you would like to do that day?

The truth is, actions really do speak louder than words! Never fool yourself into thinking that his actions don’t matter. Put simply—he IS what he does! Ignore this notion at your peril, because it is actually the best test of whether he is capable of really loving you.

  1. Are you an equal partner? 

When someone really loves you, they treat you as an equal partner—as a person with an equal voice (and equal value) in your relationship. If he makes all of the significant decisions in your relationship and expects you to follow his directives as a second-class citizen, then he does NOT really love you. In a successful marriage and partnership both partners share equally in the relationship.

  1. Can you trust him with your life and sacred honor?

Can you honestly say, “I trust him more that life itself?” Is your trust in him unequivocal and honestly without hesitation? Bottom line—one of the underlying qualities of a great marriage is complete trust in each other. If you don’t trust your man without question, then you really need to reconsider any long-term relationship with him.

  1. Does he tell you he loves you? 

Does he do declare his love and adoration for you often and without prodding? Does his love for you come naturally and consistently? When you love someone, you tell them. And don’t fall for that old line that goes like this, “I don’t need to tell her I love her because she knows.” This notion is just plain wrong! You need to hear it (we all do). If he doesn’t tell you that he loves you, then your relationship has a problem.

  1. Can he imagine life without you?

When you are in love, you cannot imagine life without the one you love! So try this question on him, “Honey, do you love me more than life itself? Can you imagine life without me?” If his answers make you wonder about the depth of his commitment to you, he doesn’t truly love you.

After over 32 years of researching love and marriage throughout the world, one thing we know for sure is that someone in love cannot envision a life without their someone special. If your guy suggests otherwise, he is not the man you should commit your life to.

  1. Is he ALWAYS there for you?

In the end, a man who really loves you will always be there for you through the good times and the bad, through thick and thin. Love has no conditions. A man deeply in love with a woman want her when she is at her best or her worst. And being there for you is something he does in a way that makes you feel good (versus feeling guilty). He makes you excited about where your relationship is going. He raises you higher than you could ever be without him.

You deserve true love:
The measure of his love for you is always about consistency … in his words and behavior. If he really loves you, he will meet the Seven Tests of True Love. If he can’t pass this test, then you need to reconsider how true his love actually is. If he does pass the test, go hug that man (you’ve got a keeper!). Either way, know that a love you can trust and count on is the type of love you deserve.

By Dr. Charles and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz | America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts

NEWS: Father Denied Sleeping With Women By Jealous Daughter

Father-Denied-Sleeping-With-Women-By-Jealous-Daughter

 

A jealous woman, Soneni Moyo has decided to punish her father, John Moyo to retire from sleeping with women because he had divorced her mother when she was a kid. This punishment is too much on John that he has ran to a court to save him from his daughter.

“I am the father of Soneni Moyo who has gone violent and is always harassing me. She does not want or allow me to marry or live with any other woman. She said I should stop making love or date any woman as punishment for divorcing her mother. Whenever I get married she becomes violent, harasses me and my wife and destroys household property. She once did that to a woman I had married until she gave up and left me.

“She does not respect me as her father and to make matters worse I am staying with my mother who is visually impaired and when I go to work she does not give her food. She is always leaving her alone while going to drink beer with her friends. I am sick and tired of her behaviour. I want this court to help me,” tearfully claimed John.

Soneni disputed her father’s claims “He is lying. My mother separated with him when I was three years old. I never had any problems with his wives or girlfriends as he is claiming. He is lying before this court of law,” she said.

4 EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS YOU MUST LEARN TO TALK TO YOUR SPOUSE (Part 2)

 

 

  1. LEARN TO EXPRESS NEGATIVE FEELINGS IN A CONSTRUCTIVE MANNER

In part one of this article we started looking at how we can learn to express our “Negative Feelings” in a constructive manner. It is very important to express negative feelings because it helps couples to adapt and adjust to each other’s specific needs. If we do not express our negative feelings and decide to bottle it up, it will do more harm than good. It will build up tension within us just like an old fashioned pressure cooker.

 

Let us illustrate this with the example of Andrew and Bekky. Andrew has the unfortunate habit of expressing his negative feelings in a rather violent way. Whenever his wife got him angry, he would lash out at her with such verbal venom and with such hateful face that often left Bekky terrified. One day after such an outburst, he went to his wife the following day in a sober mood to apologise. Sulking in shame, he pleaded and promised his wife that he would never repeat such embarrassing outburst.

 

Andrew kept his promise, or so he imagined. He kept swallowing up every comment from Bekky which he perceived as being both disrespectful and demeaning. Then one day, he had it. One day as he was in the kitchen, Bekky “stepped on his toe” by running him down in a rather unfair manner.

Andrew lost all control. He said nothing, but gently walked over to the sink, grabbed a dishwashing liquid and in an uncontrolled fury poured it all into a pot of soup Bekky was preparing and he hurriedly stormed out of the house.

 

Where did Andrew get it all wrong? Andrew erroneously imagined that he can achieve peace in his marriage by restraining all of his feelings and not speaking out. Even after several months, Andrew was still struggling to pick up the pieces of the shattered trust and peace between him and Bekky.

 

Therefore, what would you say Andrew did wrong? What were his mistakes? How should Aaron have communicated his hurt feelings without hurting Bekky so badly?

 

In part 3 of this series; we’ll examine 4 tips and tricks to communicate your negative feelings to your spouse without hurting him or her.

 

4 EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS YOU MUST LEARN TO TALK TO YOUR SPOUSE (Part 1)

Effective Communication is a very essential ingredient in any happy marriage or relationship. The way couples interact in the area of time spent together or apart, the question of money, health, children, family, friends, commitment, trust and intimacy, etc goes a long way to determine if they would have a lasting or happy marriage. But there are times in every marriage when spouses feel that they are not communicating effectively with each other.

 

This is quite obvious when couples are always quarrelling or always getting into fights and verbal wars. This situation also expresses itself when one or both spouses feels misunderstood, unappreciated, disregarded or even disrespected.

 

When couples have a challenge with effectively communicating with their significant other especially when they feel that their basic needs are not met in their marriage or relationship, they may find that mastering one or more of four communication skills will go a long way towards chatting the course for a happy and successful marriage.

 

When one of this skills is lacking in your marriage it will seriously affect what you and your spouse can achieve in a positive way and when a marriage is deficient in more than one of these, that marriage would have been placed within the risk zone.

My Husband Lost His Job

1. LEARN TO EXPRESS NEGATIVE FEELINGS IN A CONSTRUCTIVE MANNER

“Negative feelings” is any feeling that makes you feel bad or uptight or angry. They are feelings that make you feel anyway but good. These may include feelings of resentment, bitterness, disapproval or disappointment. At one time other the other it may be necessary for you to express negative feelings to your spouse. It is important to learn how to express these emotions to your spouse in a constructive way. It could be quite destructive to your marriage and to your entire family if you were to express your negative emotions in unrestrained harsh words. Even when you have expressed yourself in a controlled manner but your expressions are laden with ridicule, sarcasm and verbal assaults, the communication will be counter-productive.

(Watch out for Part 2 of this article)

MY DREAM MAN

How to keep your man

Everyone has got a dream, including the people that have s*x behind the fence, in parties and clubs- that might be their own dream. They may not desire a glorious marriage ceremony. Buy why will you prefer a fake lifestyle?

 

I have seen and heard ladies of low class with no dreams or aspiration say this- “I want a tall, fair/dark, handsome, rich/wealthy man, no mother-I can cope with his father or put him where he belongs. He must be related to a politician in government. He must have charisma and good command of English… He must be very good in bed too…”

 

Anytime I listen to those babbling wishes from ladies who have no focus for their life. My question is “what will you add to that man, when he has all it takes. Some ladies keep saying they prefer a married man because they are rich, neat caring and responsible. Excuse me, most good men you see around are a product of a good woman in one corner. Go and build a home too.

 

As a matter of fact, if you are a man, do not go for those kind of Ladies. They are lazy-thief-gold diggers. It is fine to desire good things but not on selfish bases. Another question is- if a man you want possess all that you want, do you possess all it takes to have a good man? Most marriages that start on paparazzi level, usually end on Zero level. The beauty and secret of a lasting marriage is- starting small and starting well. I have seen couples who spent millions on a marriage and ends it in less than six(6) months.

 

So, wake up from your dream and face the reality. Your best will come, but might not look like what you want-only a woman of virtue can see the hidden treasure in a man that has it! You can create your own Dream man by becoming the Dream woman you expect your Dream man to have.