Fight the Good Fight: Turn Spats Into Solutions

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Want to dial down the unhealthy drama in your relationship? You can, once you know how to defuse blow-up arguments and unresolved feuds.

“Massive, all-out fights are bad for you. They make your heart race, cause stress, and can trigger issues like migraines,” says psychotherapist Jonathan Alpert. “On the other hand, learning to have good conversations keeps your relationship healthy.”

Here are six ways to ensure your next argument has a good outcome.

Keep Calm and Carry On

If your blood’s boiling and you can barely remember what started your fight in the first place, call a time out.

“It’s next to impossible to be logical, let alone empathetic, in a heightened state,” Alpert says.

Pick the discussion back up when both of you feel levelheaded. If you can’t keep your voice down, you may not be ready to have the conversation.

Know Your Goal

Before you sit down to talk, Alpert recommends you ask yourself: “What do I want to accomplish here? Do I want to hurt my partner, or work toward a resolution?”

Focus on finding a positive solution from the get-go. That makes it more likely you’ll listen and stay thoughtful.

People who keep their angry feelings contained may be more likely to develop health conditions like high blood pressure.

Keep to Task

Keep your argument brief and on-point.

“Leave the past in the past. Don’t bring up all the prior problems related to the one you’re discussing. Instead, solve one thing at a time,” says psychotherapist Tina Tessina, PhD. “Keep statements to two or three sentences. That way, it doesn’t seem like you’re trying to dominate the conversation, and it will be easier for your partner to grasp what you’re saying.”

Know What You Need

Instead of criticizing your partner’s habits or values, be specific, Tessina says. For example, say, “It would mean a lot to me if you’d stop using your cell phone during dinner,” rather than, “I think you’re addicted to Facebook.”

Also, steer clear of words like “always” and “never.” “Over-generalizing is upsetting and is usually also untrue,” Tessina says.

Sleep On It

A lack of sleep makes conflicts harder to resolve, a recent study shows. If you’re frazzled or fried, it’s OK to go to bed mad if you both agree to put talks on hold until the next day, Alpert says.

Pause Between Statements

It takes work to change the way you communicate. Suggestion: Discuss a hot-button issue when you’re not mad.

“Let your partner make a statement about the problem, but take at least 10 minutes to think about what he or she has said before you respond,” says Gerald Goodman, PhD, a psychologist and professor emeritus at UCLA. “Then sum up what your partner said, and make your own statement. Go back and forth a few times. It may take several hours or days, but it will pay off.”

Find it hard to pause between statements? “My research shows that learning to delay your response helps you stay calm and find solutions during major conflicts,” Goodman says.

Between pauses, use the time to listen to your partner, Alpert says. The more you’re on the same page, the easier it is to resolve fights quickly and fairly.

Culled from WebMD

How Irresponsibility Can Destroy A Relationship


Are you one of those people willing to have a relationship but reluctant to take responsibility to change your way of living as a couple? Would you rather maintain your single way of living, thinking and hoping that you can have the best of both worlds? Unfortunately, your sense of irresponsibility towards your relationship will only be detrimental to and eventually destroy your relationship. The fact is, you will not see much success in your relationship until you learn how to contribute fairly and responsibly towards building and maintaining a good and happy partnership.

There is a price tag to your decision to end your single-hood and to be in relationship with someone you love. You no longer get to enjoy the kind of freedom you used to get when you were single. Remember that you are now not only responsible for your own well-being, but for your partner’s well being as well.

Therefore, the freedom of doing whatever you like, whenever you wish is rather impractical without jeopardizing your relationship with your partner. Nevertheless, it doesn’t mean that you have become a prisoner in your own relationship, totally without freedom of choice. It simply means that being in a relationship, you have the responsibility to involve your partner in most aspects of your life now.

One of the many responsibilities of being in a relationship is to have joint discussions on major decisions, sharing good and bad moments, and keeping each other informed of things. This is necessary to ensure a healthy relationship. Failing to do so would be irresponsible and would result in an unhappy relationship. It is thus important to learn how to prevent a relationship from being destroyed due to irresponsibility. You can begin by avoiding irresponsible behavior in various aspects of your life as follows:

  • Finances

Money is important but it is not everything as it does not guarantee you a happy relationship. Sometimes people who don’t have enough may be happier. However, it is crucial for couples to discuss and plan their finances together so as to avoid any financial hiccups.

Some partners refuse to share financially. Some only contribute a small portion to the household expenses but spend lavishly on themselves. These partners are being irresponsible and selfish. They cause a lot of financial stress and arguments in their relationship. Learn how to fix a relationship by being a responsible partner. The key ingredients for maintaining a happy and healthy relationship are to discuss, plan, and spend your money within your means.

  • Household Chores

Partners are meant to support each other in every aspect of the relationship including household chores. Most people look forward to going home after a long and stressful day at work and the last on their to-do-list is tons of household chores laying about the house. It can be very frustrating and tiring to do all the household chores by yourself. More so if your partner is only giving you a helping hand in messing up the place.

Some irresponsible partners just leave things that they have used around the house without washing them or putting them back where they ought to be. This irresponsible attitude may cause a lot of frustration and resentment in a relationship and may destroy your relationship in the long run, especially if your partner realizes you have no plans to support him/her in getting things done around the house. Many people would argue that it is the responsibility of the woman alone to take care of the house, but marriage proves otherwise. To maintain a harmonious relationship, couples should support each other, even with household chores so that they do not feel overburdened and can have more quality time to spend with each other.

  • Personal Time

Try to keep your dependence and independence in balance. It is important for you to spend time with your partner and share interests but allowing some personal time is equally important to your relationship. This time away from each other helps to maintain harmony by giving you a sense of individuality.

However, do not abuse your personal time by hanging out more with your friends than with your partner. Often times, you have the tendency to abuse your personal time for the wrong reasons. For example: always coming home late, never keeping your partner informed of your whereabouts and eventually forgetting and neglecting your partner who is anxiously waiting and worrying about you at home. This irresponsible behavior will soon cause a lot of conflict and affect the harmony in your relationship.

The truth is, irresponsibility is so detrimental and may destroy a relationship in no time. Hence, couples who wish to have and maintain a happy relationship are advised to learn how to maintain a healthy relationship by avoiding all kinds of irresponsible behaviors to best of their ability.

Magnificently Easy Ways to Look Young No Matter Your age


Every woman wants to look younger, whether she is 30 or 60. As we get older, we tend to lose the natural, beautiful glow of our skin. Fortunately, there are some tips and tricks to use to look younger no matter your age. The main tip to follow is to take good care of your skin every single day. Remember, the healthier your skin is, the younger it looks. Read on to find out some of the most effective ways to look younger regardless of your age.

  1. Increase your vitamin C intake

One of the best ways to look younger is to increase your vitamin C intake. Vitamin C stimulates the production of collagen in the skin, which means it’s good for keeping your skin looking fresh and young. Vitamin C is good for the skin all over the body so it’s important to add foods rich in Vitamin C to your eating plan. Consider eating oranges, bell peppers, kiwis, grapefruits, tomatoes and strawberries.

  1. Boost your protein intake

Protein plays a significant role in almost each aspect of the skin, including collagen production, appearance, cell turnover as well as structure. This makes it a vital nutrient in your eating plan. Opt for lean protein like fish, sirloin steak, pork loin chops and chicken breast. Low-fat dairy foods, eggs, nuts and beans are also wonderful sources of protein.

  1. Use oil in your salads

Try combining a bit of canola or olive oil with a bit of vinegar on your healthy salad. When you mix greens with some oil, not mayo, your body absorbs Vitamin C, E and any other antioxidants much better. Plus, it’s super healthy! Such salad will help combat free radical damage and help keep your skin looking glowing and youthful no matter your age.

  1. Don’t use your powder

Although powder has its wonderful value, using it when you are trying to look younger is not advisable. The longer your powder is on your face, the more it creeps into your fine lines and small wrinkles, making them even more visible. You can still use your foundation to hide blemishes and even things out, but try not to use your powder.

  1. Add bronzer

All those age spots and sunspots that tend to crop up on the skin can easily be hidden with bronzer. Not only does bronzer mask all those discolorations, it also gives your skin a beautiful glow. You can add a little bit of bronzer to your foundation, or apply it on your nose, cheeks and forehead using a large brush.

  1. Care for your hands daily

While it’s important to care for your face every day, don’t forget about your hands. Make sure you care for your hands properly every single day. If you are on a budget, try rubbing your facial products into them. It’s not necessary to use special hand creams. Also, don’t forget to use sunscreen daily. This is a huge step to look younger no matter how old you are.

  1. Wear the right makeup

Did you know that some colors you might be wearing can wash you out and even emphasize all your wrinkles and fine lines? To look younger, make sure you wear the right colors on your lips, eyes and cheeks. Go for a more natural look and stay away from the bright, bold colors.

Culled from MJ Magazine

Does He Really Love You? 7 Ways To Know For Sure



It’s love, not rocket science! These 7 simple “true love tests” quickly reveal his true feelings.

Every woman wants to know if her man’s love is the real thing. Knowing the answer is critical to making any future decisions about the relationship. It turns out, it’s actually pretty simple to know if his love is true or not. Here are the Seven Tests of True Love; see how your relationship measures up:

  1. Does he ALWAYS treat you with respect?

If his respect for you is inconsistent or only occurs sparingly, your relationship cannot flourish. In love, you cannot pick and choose the time and place to be kind, considerate, and respectful. Being considerate and respectful one day and rude and inconsiderate the next is not an option. Your partner either is all of these things or he is not. It’s really that simple.

  1. Do his actions match his words? 

We all know the axiom “actions speak louder than words”. To know if he really loves you, you only need to observe his behavior. Does he talk to you with affection, care, and respect, but then bumps you out of the way when you order lunch or dinner? Does he tell you how much he loves you, but ignores you completely when you tell him what you would like to do that day?

The truth is, actions really do speak louder than words! Never fool yourself into thinking that his actions don’t matter. Put simply—he IS what he does! Ignore this notion at your peril, because it is actually the best test of whether he is capable of really loving you.

  1. Are you an equal partner? 

When someone really loves you, they treat you as an equal partner—as a person with an equal voice (and equal value) in your relationship. If he makes all of the significant decisions in your relationship and expects you to follow his directives as a second-class citizen, then he does NOT really love you. In a successful marriage and partnership both partners share equally in the relationship.

  1. Can you trust him with your life and sacred honor?

Can you honestly say, “I trust him more that life itself?” Is your trust in him unequivocal and honestly without hesitation? Bottom line—one of the underlying qualities of a great marriage is complete trust in each other. If you don’t trust your man without question, then you really need to reconsider any long-term relationship with him.

  1. Does he tell you he loves you? 

Does he do declare his love and adoration for you often and without prodding? Does his love for you come naturally and consistently? When you love someone, you tell them. And don’t fall for that old line that goes like this, “I don’t need to tell her I love her because she knows.” This notion is just plain wrong! You need to hear it (we all do). If he doesn’t tell you that he loves you, then your relationship has a problem.

  1. Can he imagine life without you?

When you are in love, you cannot imagine life without the one you love! So try this question on him, “Honey, do you love me more than life itself? Can you imagine life without me?” If his answers make you wonder about the depth of his commitment to you, he doesn’t truly love you.

After over 32 years of researching love and marriage throughout the world, one thing we know for sure is that someone in love cannot envision a life without their someone special. If your guy suggests otherwise, he is not the man you should commit your life to.

  1. Is he ALWAYS there for you?

In the end, a man who really loves you will always be there for you through the good times and the bad, through thick and thin. Love has no conditions. A man deeply in love with a woman want her when she is at her best or her worst. And being there for you is something he does in a way that makes you feel good (versus feeling guilty). He makes you excited about where your relationship is going. He raises you higher than you could ever be without him.

You deserve true love:
The measure of his love for you is always about consistency … in his words and behavior. If he really loves you, he will meet the Seven Tests of True Love. If he can’t pass this test, then you need to reconsider how true his love actually is. If he does pass the test, go hug that man (you’ve got a keeper!). Either way, know that a love you can trust and count on is the type of love you deserve.

By Dr. Charles and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz | America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts

NEWS: Father Denied Sleeping With Women By Jealous Daughter



A jealous woman, Soneni Moyo has decided to punish her father, John Moyo to retire from sleeping with women because he had divorced her mother when she was a kid. This punishment is too much on John that he has ran to a court to save him from his daughter.

“I am the father of Soneni Moyo who has gone violent and is always harassing me. She does not want or allow me to marry or live with any other woman. She said I should stop making love or date any woman as punishment for divorcing her mother. Whenever I get married she becomes violent, harasses me and my wife and destroys household property. She once did that to a woman I had married until she gave up and left me.

“She does not respect me as her father and to make matters worse I am staying with my mother who is visually impaired and when I go to work she does not give her food. She is always leaving her alone while going to drink beer with her friends. I am sick and tired of her behaviour. I want this court to help me,” tearfully claimed John.

Soneni disputed her father’s claims “He is lying. My mother separated with him when I was three years old. I never had any problems with his wives or girlfriends as he is claiming. He is lying before this court of law,” she said.





In part one of this article we started looking at how we can learn to express our “Negative Feelings” in a constructive manner. It is very important to express negative feelings because it helps couples to adapt and adjust to each other’s specific needs. If we do not express our negative feelings and decide to bottle it up, it will do more harm than good. It will build up tension within us just like an old fashioned pressure cooker.


Let us illustrate this with the example of Andrew and Bekky. Andrew has the unfortunate habit of expressing his negative feelings in a rather violent way. Whenever his wife got him angry, he would lash out at her with such verbal venom and with such hateful face that often left Bekky terrified. One day after such an outburst, he went to his wife the following day in a sober mood to apologise. Sulking in shame, he pleaded and promised his wife that he would never repeat such embarrassing outburst.


Andrew kept his promise, or so he imagined. He kept swallowing up every comment from Bekky which he perceived as being both disrespectful and demeaning. Then one day, he had it. One day as he was in the kitchen, Bekky “stepped on his toe” by running him down in a rather unfair manner.

Andrew lost all control. He said nothing, but gently walked over to the sink, grabbed a dishwashing liquid and in an uncontrolled fury poured it all into a pot of soup Bekky was preparing and he hurriedly stormed out of the house.


Where did Andrew get it all wrong? Andrew erroneously imagined that he can achieve peace in his marriage by restraining all of his feelings and not speaking out. Even after several months, Andrew was still struggling to pick up the pieces of the shattered trust and peace between him and Bekky.


Therefore, what would you say Andrew did wrong? What were his mistakes? How should Aaron have communicated his hurt feelings without hurting Bekky so badly?


In part 3 of this series; we’ll examine 4 tips and tricks to communicate your negative feelings to your spouse without hurting him or her.



Effective Communication is a very essential ingredient in any happy marriage or relationship. The way couples interact in the area of time spent together or apart, the question of money, health, children, family, friends, commitment, trust and intimacy, etc goes a long way to determine if they would have a lasting or happy marriage. But there are times in every marriage when spouses feel that they are not communicating effectively with each other.


This is quite obvious when couples are always quarrelling or always getting into fights and verbal wars. This situation also expresses itself when one or both spouses feels misunderstood, unappreciated, disregarded or even disrespected.


When couples have a challenge with effectively communicating with their significant other especially when they feel that their basic needs are not met in their marriage or relationship, they may find that mastering one or more of four communication skills will go a long way towards chatting the course for a happy and successful marriage.


When one of this skills is lacking in your marriage it will seriously affect what you and your spouse can achieve in a positive way and when a marriage is deficient in more than one of these, that marriage would have been placed within the risk zone.

My Husband Lost His Job


“Negative feelings” is any feeling that makes you feel bad or uptight or angry. They are feelings that make you feel anyway but good. These may include feelings of resentment, bitterness, disapproval or disappointment. At one time other the other it may be necessary for you to express negative feelings to your spouse. It is important to learn how to express these emotions to your spouse in a constructive way. It could be quite destructive to your marriage and to your entire family if you were to express your negative emotions in unrestrained harsh words. Even when you have expressed yourself in a controlled manner but your expressions are laden with ridicule, sarcasm and verbal assaults, the communication will be counter-productive.

(Watch out for Part 2 of this article)


How to keep your man

Everyone has got a dream, including the people that have s*x behind the fence, in parties and clubs- that might be their own dream. They may not desire a glorious marriage ceremony. Buy why will you prefer a fake lifestyle?


I have seen and heard ladies of low class with no dreams or aspiration say this- “I want a tall, fair/dark, handsome, rich/wealthy man, no mother-I can cope with his father or put him where he belongs. He must be related to a politician in government. He must have charisma and good command of English… He must be very good in bed too…”


Anytime I listen to those babbling wishes from ladies who have no focus for their life. My question is “what will you add to that man, when he has all it takes. Some ladies keep saying they prefer a married man because they are rich, neat caring and responsible. Excuse me, most good men you see around are a product of a good woman in one corner. Go and build a home too.


As a matter of fact, if you are a man, do not go for those kind of Ladies. They are lazy-thief-gold diggers. It is fine to desire good things but not on selfish bases. Another question is- if a man you want possess all that you want, do you possess all it takes to have a good man? Most marriages that start on paparazzi level, usually end on Zero level. The beauty and secret of a lasting marriage is- starting small and starting well. I have seen couples who spent millions on a marriage and ends it in less than six(6) months.


So, wake up from your dream and face the reality. Your best will come, but might not look like what you want-only a woman of virtue can see the hidden treasure in a man that has it! You can create your own Dream man by becoming the Dream woman you expect your Dream man to have.


The fact that you are ripe for marriage doesn’t mean you should jump into the arms of the next available monster in the form of a man, simply because of the desperation for the title of “MRS”. In this day and age, it’s advisable that ladies be Independent because, no man wants to have a liability for a wife anymore. If you don’t have a source of livelihood, please get one asap before vying for marriage. And when you eventually decide to get married, know what you want in him! As a woman in this day and age, you must understand that:

1. There is an inner beauty about a lady who believes in herself, who knows she is capable of achieving anything she puts her mind to. There is a stunning beauty in the strength and determination of a lady who follows her own God given path, a woman who isn’t easily thrown off by obstacles along the way.

2. There is a beauty about a lady whose Confidence comes from her wealth of experience as she knows she can fall, pick herself back up, dust her shoulders and move on.

3. There’s nothing more attractive than a lady who carries herself like a Queen and wears her confidence like a Crown. Royalty or not, Dignity and Respect are every lady’s birth right. It’s a man’s job to respect a woman but, it’s a woman’s job to give him something to respect. So my dear young ladies, please know thy worth!


Once you know your worth, then…. you are in a position to ask a man WHAT CAN HE DO FOR YOU, THAT YOU CAN’T DO FOR YOURSELF?

If you are paying your own bills and taking care of your household without the help of any man or woman for that matter; then you are in a good position to ask him, “What are you bringing to the table?” At this juncture, I know most of you will think I’m actually talking about, how much the man has got in his bank account…..honestly you are so wrong. LOL!!! Okay, let me quickly correct your thoughts by clearly stating what I mean by your asking him such a question. . . I am not referring to money.

Young lady, you need something more. Something more assuring, dependable, humble, strong, matured and everlasting.

1. You need someone who has integrity in dealing with relationships. Lies, Deceit, Chauvinism and game-playing are not my idea of a Strong, Mature, Assuring, Humble and Dependable man.

2. You need a man who is not only mature and focused, but a man who is diligently striving for excellence in all ramifications of life. Right now, i know the men will be anxious to know what exactly i mean by this. Oh well……. Young lady

3. You need someone who is striving for excellence mentally because, you need conversation and mental stimulation. I don’t need a simple-minded man.

4.You need someone who is striving for spiritual excellence because, you don’t need to be unevenly yoked….Believers mixed with Unbelievers is actually a great recipe for disaster. 

5. You need a man who is striving for financial excellence because, you don’t need a financial burden.

6.You need someone who is sensitive enough to understand exactly what you go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep you grounded, without appearing to be directly or indirectly domineering.

7.You actually need a man who is family-oriented. One who can be the leader and provider for the lives entrusted to him by God.

8. You need someone whom you don’t have to be forced to respect because, he is mature enough to always respect himself, hence you can always respect him. In order to be submissive, you must respect him. You cannot be submissive to a man who isn’t taking care of his business. I know you have no problem whatsoever with, being submissive…he just has to be worthy of your being submissive.

And by the way, you should not be looking for him…HE WILL FIND YOU. He will recognize himself in you. He may not be able to explain the connection, but he naturally, will always be drawn to you. God made woman to be a help-mate for man. You can’t help a man if he can’t help himself. Right now, I know the guys will be whining that, the ladies are just asking for A LOT.

How To Improve Your Sex AppealThe honest truth is WE LADIES ARE WORTH ALOT.